- "we don't burden children with adult issues. They can't change it, they can't fix it and it makes them feel helpless" Plus, it scares the hell out of them.
- "No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides." just like everything in life. And the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
- "The best predictor of future behavior is, past behavior." want a new future predictor? Change your behaviors and over time, you have a new past, that predicts the future behavior you want.
And my favorite -- "In life, you generate the results you think you deserve"
Today I have an overwhelming urge to talk about self-talk. What we tell ourselves. Because you might think it doesn't matter. You might think no one else knows the awful things you tell yourself. You might think you hide it amazingly well. And you may. But you don't really. Someone in your life, maybe your spouse or child, maybe the gas store attendant - but someone knows. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
Many people who suffer from depression or anxiety are often told, 'just get over it' or 'just be happy'. But what mentally healthy people do not understand, it isn't a choice. They don't choose depression. Trust me, they damn sure do not choose anxiety. Anxiety attacks, real ones, big ones, yeah they feel like you're dying (I'd imagine) Mine are similar to what I think would happen if a stroke and a heart attack had a crack baby. That's not funny, but it is legit physically paralyzing. My chest is so tight I can't take a breath, and because it's tight and I'm in full on panic mode, I can't speak. But even if I could, it wouldn't much matter - what should I say? I'm just having a panic attack. That by the way, I didn't "bring on myself" True panic attacks usually just happen. It's not because your thoughts forced it to happen. (although your thoughts and stress levels surely do not help anything here)
That all being said, what I want EVERYONE to understand is that the negative self-talk is so crucial to your overall life, yes, overall - not just mental health, but your physical health, your entire life as a whole, including what you do. Hear me out here. If I tell myself, "OMG, I'm so poor, I can't afford anything!" I will be poor and not able to afford anything. I will subconsciously make choices that keep me in that state. I know it sounds crazy. But if I tell myself, "I'm a Pampered Chef ROCKSTAR and I will reach all of my goals." and "I have plenty of money for all the things I need in life" I will start to see things differently. Which will change the choices I make and thus create a different result that works toward the one I want.
We have always told our kids, "instead of worrying about what you DON'T have, try being thankful for what you do have." My kids can't "compare" to many of the kids in their school. But you bet your ass they look pretty freaking amazing next to the kid in the shelter. Or the kid who has to walk to a lake for water. Life is really about perspective. And how you see things will affect every single area of your life. It's been proven. There have been MANY medical studies that have proven that what I'm saying is true. That your mental health, and your attitude or perspective about things will domino affect nearly every single other thing in your path.
To get you started, and I hated this activity at first too - write down 10 self-positive affirmations. When I was down and out, I actually created a visual for myself because that's how I learn. (and one of them is listed twice on purpose ;) ) I posted it in my office, in my planner, it became my wallpaper on my ipad and my phone. I sent it to people that I trusted and wanted to hold me accountable to myself to be more positive! I'll show you mine. But if you need ideas for what your 10 things are, google ideas. Look on Pinterest. There are so many wonderful ideas to get you started! Then read that list. Over and over. Read it so many times you can recite it word for word at any time. And then once you can do that, keep repeating them to yourself. While you're driving. While you're in the shower. Or trying to fall asleep. Repeat them while you're smiling and nodding at pre-teen drama - (just kidding, I always listen intently to my children.) You NEED to make those 10 positive things automatic thoughts. Trust me.
I encourage everyone, mental health aside, to watch these Dr. Phil clips where he explains the science behind this and why it isn't a 'choice'. (Turn up your speakers, he was sick that day!) Click Here!
After you watch that one, watch this one on how he explains how to eliminate negative self-talk
You are a rockstar in more ways than one, Amber!
ReplyDeleteThanks neighbor! That means a lot!
DeleteGreat post! Thinking of you and your family!
ReplyDeleteThank you so Much!
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