Officially Offical!

If you are on my facebook, you know that I recently asked if there would be any interest in a blog from your's truly.  Just a few of you had some mild interest so here we are.  If you don't know me, that was me dripping the sentence with just over the legal limit of sarcasm.  I still have not decided on a plan or direction for this. But the second I sat down at my desk, the name came right out and that was how I knew God was on board.

An accurate visual of us
trying to get through life

So with no plan and no real blog style yet, I figured why not start the blog and the very first post with some of the random thoughts I had on my journey around the sun yesterday.  Now, I already prefaced random.  But all women will understand this.  The saying about how a woman's brain resembles my internet browser - mega true.  supposed to be doing just the one thing, but have 32 other tabs open and I'm checking at least 9 of them. Here we are:

I added a new saying to the list, "things I never thought I would say": No honey, we don't put our toothbrush in our pee-pees. (If you missed that one random facebook post from several years ago, it joins things like, "Oh hey, pretty girl! Are you pooping?", "What's wrong with your penis?", "We can't go to the store naked", "...Because mommy can't pee outside like that..."  I would also now add, "Mommy can't grow a penis" "Why don't you ever wear underwear? Ever" (All of these things were said to a child under 3.  But not the same child, so at least there's that)

I also had my daily dose of, how bad am I really screwing this kid up for life.  The 13-year-old - which by the way, there's not a book or a class or professional on the planet that could have properly prepared me for this battle - had it out with me about talking.  That's right.  Talking.  She doesn't like to talk to me. Or anyone.  According to her.  After lots of screaming, a few swears, and LOTS of tears, I was questioning my entire parenting style and life choices.  But after about 49 minutes alone in her room, she came out and was completely fine. Which only left me wondering if it ever actually happened or I just had slid between the parallel universe we aren't supposed to believe exists. Either way, I take kids in good moods any way I can get them, so I just let it go.

Miah was not doing well yesterday.  So the last thought I will share with you for the day was not as

(Not from the day described)

random as it felt in the moment.  He has been struggling so much.  From the MS or the plasma exchange therapy we can't be sure which, maybe both.  He has been having constant symptoms for at least a week now including terrible cognitive ability, nearly no balance - walking from the chair to the bathroom is like a game of Russian roulette with all the furniture and things in the house, some headaches, lots of numbness, and his legs randomly give out as if all of the other stuff was not enough fun.  Yesterday he finally confessed to me after I VERY GENTLY (read: told him he was doing it or I was doing it for him) urged him to come sit outside while I swept up the weeds and grass my MIL had come to help clean up, that he now is having nausea that he can't explain, but comes and goes some as he moves around. I worry about things like muscle atrophy, weight (my 6 foot 1-inch husband weighs less than I do, and I look pretty damn good for 4 kids, a few major surgeris and that little leg incident) But what still amazes me every single day, is that man's optimism.  Even though obvious fear, anxiety and depression, at his core, he still has hope.  Hope for a recovery, hope he will be cured, and hope for as many of the years with me and our kiddos as we had planned on having when we started this journey together almost 16 years ago.  People look at me and think I'm strong, but I think they're looking at the wrong spouse.

I have to go pretend to clean my office now.  Until next time, friends! ❤