Let's get REALLY real for a bit...

As news of Jeremiah's illness has spread, I am getting so many messages asking what can people do to help, and how am I doing.  Well, to help, host a virtual show with me (100% Shameless plug there! But seriously, I'm a hoot! And you get free stuff. I mean, come on!)  But pray. Just pray for him. For our kids.  We joke because that's how we deal. But in all honesty, we are scared.  We were told a few years ago that we needed to prepare for the fact that eventually, his MS would progress and not stop.  He wouldn't recover and it wouldn't really be managed like we were used to.

That being said, let's discuss how I'm actually doing. I don't try to hide this side per say, I just learned a long time ago that I can not keep my mental health where I need it to be if I stay in the red zone too long.  If I stay in the bad, negative, mindset, I can't move forward, be optimistic or hopeful or productive for my family.  So I don't talk about it so as a way to stay mentally strong and fit.

But sometimes we need to talk about it.  I have struggled my entire life with depression and anxiety.  I am on medication for it.  And on my medication, I function very well and am very mentally strong and able.  I know from experience I can not function without my medication at the level of wife and mom and human being in society that I want to function at.  And that's ok.  Other people have strong feelings against medication, but that isn't up to me or anyone else.  We all have to do whatever we feel is best for us.  Notice I didn't say right.  I don't think there is a right and wrong. Every person and situation is unique.

So how am I doing? Not well.  I take my medication so I can get through the day. Which is exactly the answer to your next question, how do we do it?  We do it one day at a time.  And when that is too much, it's one hour at a time.  Do what you have to, to make it to the next hour.  One hour at a time.  And before you know it, you've survived the day you thought you just couldn't.

My mental state is being rocked on an hourly basis because I am afraid.  I am scared that this is the attack the doctors have been telling us to prepare for.  That at 34 years old I am watching my incredible husband deteriorate. His cognitive ability is being attacked hard.  He can't stay awake for more than 20 or 30 minutes without needing a nap and falls asleep randomly.  He stays in bed usually until noon, when he gets up to move to the living room.  He usually goes back into bed around 1 or 2 for a nap.  Comes out for supper and asks to go to bed around 8.  He struggles so much in so many ways.

I tell you this not for your pity because we can't do anything with that. I tell you for your awareness.  The things we think are hard in life, are generally not the things that are actually hard in life.  Getting our card fixed, getting our bank account out of the red, finding a new job that pays more - these are not the hard things.  The hard things are things you simply can not do a damn thing about.  Watching a loved one suffer from an illness, not being able to shield your children from the hurts,  these are life's actual hard things.  But what's that saying, without the storms, we wouldn't see the rainbows?

I borrowed this obviously real photo without permission from here.  Just keeping it real.