Mom, you're doing just fine

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

If you listen to me long enough, you'll know quotes are big for me. And this one plays in my mind like a broken record. Especially today. Growing up things were not always as easy or nice as they could and should have been. I felt like tears and crying were showing whatever the evil was, that it was winning. So around age 10, I just started to do everything I could mentally to never cry. I thought crying was perceived as a weakness. And I HATE feeling weak.

Now that I'm an adult and I know better, I still "can't" cry. I am not sure if this will come out right, but my tears are internal. My pain is inside and doesn't come out in a physical manner that others can see, like tears. It comes out in other ways, frustration, mental fatigue, severe back pain (like muscle knots and tension) I wish it came out in tears because we all need to release our emotions. All of them. Think about it. We smile when we are content, laugh when we are happy, yell when we are angry, scream when we are in pain (usually). Even an infant knows to express their emotions.

Today was a #MomFail! I had 3 alarms set because I had 3 things to do this AM. But Emma told me that she didn't need a ride because Grandma was giving her one. So my brain apparently heard, 'you now have absolutely nothing to do today but sleep in and miss every single thing you needed to get people too.' Olivia didn't get to Plainview with her sister, despite asking me if she could. Jeremiah was 40 minutes late for infusion and I forgot my wallet at home, of course, so didn't get milk for cereal at noon because that's just how we roll around here. I left the house already behind for a very important appointment with 3 kids crying, lots of swearing and Jeremiah thinking "he's fine, he can do it himself" I told him the stubborn thing is getting old and just not the time. To which he replies, "it's not my fault it comes with the last name". At least his wit is still intact 😉

My "tears" today were for feeling like I let my family down, again. For the 89.00 gas tank fill. (Gas is just so expensive! Why can't they make a car run on my family's gas, because we would be all set if they could....) For the lady at Bennett's (the grocery store in town) - I don't know who it was, Olivia wasn't sure, who paid for the kids donuts. And whoever put the $450.00 in my People's Checking. I'm 98% sure I know who you are, but the bank didn't identify you. You don't know how you helped. You kept my insurance paid and that's crucial right now for obvious reasons, and my cell phone bill paid - which again, is our lifeline right now. These are blessings, my friends. Despite all of our trials these days, we are still, so. very. blessed.

My message today is for all of you mom's out there. I feel you. You are wondering if you are doing it right. If you are a "good mom" If you yell too much. If you buy too much. If they love you some days... I'm here to tell you if you think any of those things, then chances are HIGH you are "doing it right". It's like I tell my Pampered Chef Team, if you are worried you are being too pushy, then you aren't. The salesman who is actually too pushy, never questions if they are. It's the same for being a mom. All any of us can ever do, is our very best. As long as you are honestly giving it the best effort you can, you're good. Each day, try to be better than the day before. Because forward progress of even the smallest amount, is still better than no progress at all. So if you are aware of being a good mom, then you are. 💓 And, it's ok to cry!